


It’s not that I remember. It’s because I can’t forget.

by echoes_of_another_life



Series: Episode Fic [1]
Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Episode: s02e11 Playthings, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-04
Updated: 2012-12-04
Packaged: 2017-11-20 07:39:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/582920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echoes_of_another_life/pseuds/echoes_of_another_life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you tell your best friend that you’d lost it? That for a split second the world had fallen away, taking with it everyone and everything, all the cameras, all the crew, all the words you’d carefully rehearsed… everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It’s not that I remember. It’s because I can’t forget.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nyaubaby](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=nyaubaby).



> Set around the infamous scene in ‘Playthings’. Yeah, you know the one.

It’s Not That I Remember. It’s Because I Can’t Forget  


“Jesus…”

“Jen, I’m sorry,” Jared began. 

“You’re sorry?” Jensen accused. He glanced around the room to ensure no one else was listening. Ran a hand through his hair, fingers massaged the tired muscles at the nape of his neck and he took a deep breath. 

“What the fuck was that, Jared?” Jensen lowered his voice. He saw the script supervisor frown and try to catch Charles Beeson’s attention as he followed him out of the room, leaving them completely alone.

“I don’t know, Jensen I swear…” Jared pleaded. 

“What? That it wasn’t some twisted, fucked up way to get me back?”

Jensen turned as Jared reached for his arm. He looked down at Jared’s fingers holding tight to his wrist, grip strong and sure.

“Jensen…”

“I fucked up, Jared. Don’t you think I don’t know that? But this…” Jensen pulled his arm free of Jared’s hold, stepped away as he glanced around the room. He looked back at Jared and tried to avoid the twin beds which dominated the small space between them. Feet apart, white rumpled sheets a stark contrast to the dark wood furniture and sombre lighting. Heavy, faded curtains pulled tight across non-existent windows, all carefully placed to create a steadily escalating sense of foreboding. 

“I was drunk, Jared and I know as excuses go that’s pretty weak. I made a drunken pass at you in some bar, and yeah it was a crappy thing to do to your best friend the night before his girl’s due to arrive in town but this?”

“Jensen, just let me explain, please…” Jared tried again. 

“Explain what?” Jensen interrupted. His voice wavering, disbelief visible in the look he threw Jared. 

“Explain how you almost turned that last scene into the seduction of Dean Winchester?”

“Jen, I didn’t mean…”

“You were supposed to grab for Dean’s shirt, his shirt, Jared. You were supposed to be holding on to his shirt with clenched fists. You were supposed to look afraid, desperate... you were supposed be afraid and fucking desperate, not…”

“I know and I’m sorry.”

Jensen took another step back as Jared stood, one arm outstretched, a pleading look in his eyes.

“Do you have any idea how you looked?” Jensen sighed. 

“Sitting there on the bed, legs apart, face flushed, hair mussed and falling down over your forehead. The way you looked up at Dean? Jesus, Jared, the way you reached for him… for me… hands grasping, fingers soft against my face, thumb grazing the outline of Dean’s… of my mouth.”

“Jensen, if you’ll just let me explain.”

“And the way you sounded, voice hushed, no more than a whisper, soft and wanting and so fucking needy, almost as if it were just you and me, no cameras, no crew, not another living soul in the entire world. Not Sam and Dean, just you and me and when you pulled me closer, so close I’d just have to breathe and you’d be there. Fuck man, I almost…”

“You almost what?” Jared asked. 

“Do you have any idea what that’s gonna look like to an audience? What that’s gonna seem like?” Jensen continued. 

“You almost what, Jensen?”

“You know what? Fuck you, Jared. I apologised. I was tired, wasted on too much cheap booze and I spilled my guts. Told you how I felt, what I wanted, all the dirty things I wanted to do to you. Jesus, how many times can a man say he’s sorry? I thought we were..? I thought you were over it, that you’d let it go… I thought we were good.”

“Jensen, this wasn’t…” 

“What you just did, in front of the entire fucking crew and the camera? That was some payback, Jay.”

~*~

Jared spent the best part of an hour pacing up and down outside Jensen’s hotel room; the crew had all gone home for the night, most convinced that Jensen’s disappearing act was just his way of dealing with such an emotional scene. He’d lost count of the number of times he’d stopped and raised his hand to knock on Jensen’s door, but each time he’d stepped back, unsure of what to say, how to explain. 

How do you tell your best friend that you’d lost it? That for a split second the world had fallen away, taking with it everyone and everything, all the cameras, all the crew, all the words you’d carefully rehearsed… everything. 

Everything had stopped, faded into the background the instant Dean had pushed Sam down onto the bed. The instant Dean had disappeared, taking Sam with him until all Jared could see was Jensen above him, all he could feel was Jensen’s hands, clutching at him, face… mouth inches from his own. Jensen’s knee brushing against the inside of Jared’s thigh as Jensen stepped closer, hands hot and heavy against Jared’s shoulder as Jensen lowered his head, faces inches apart. So close all Jared would have to do, all Jared wanted to do was pull Jensen down, just a fraction and he’d be there, right there.

The sound of glass breaking against something solid on the other side of the door stopped Jared in his tracks. He raised his hand once more to knock on Jensen’s door, hesitated and instead he pushed it open, closing it behind him as he leaned back against it. 

“Do you have something against turning on a light, Jensen or do you always prefer to drown your sorrows in the dark?” Jared asked as he leaned back against the door. He turned the lock as his eyes adjusted to the darkness inside the room. 

“What part of ‘fuck you’ did you not understand?” Jensen shot back, his voice slightly slurred. 

“Mostly I think it’s the part where you fuck me because if I remember correctly Jen, you were the one who was desperate to be fucked.” Jared remained by the door, unsure of what to expect but willing to stand his ground. It was a cheap shot, but Jared was through pretending that nothing had changed between them. He was through allowing Jensen to run from something he’d started just because it was easier to pretend, easier for Jensen. 

“Remember, Jen?” 

Jared waited for a reaction, half expected Jensen to demand he leave or come up swinging one or the other, but Jensen remained silent and Jared didn’t know which was worse. A punch in the face or Jensen’s stubborn refusal to admit that this was more than a moment of madness spurred on by close proximity and one too many visits to the bottom of a glass. 

“Remember what you told me that night? How long you’d been thinking about it, about me? Wondering what I’d look like with your hand wrapped around my cock. Wondering if I’d beg? What I’d sound like with those pretty lips of yours sucking me in, inch by inch until I was balls deep in the heat of your mouth?”

Jared’s groan was the only sound to break the silence. He waited, heard movement in the room but no response from Jensen. He turned his head, tempted to hit the light switch which was mere inches from where he was standing but even in the dark, he could see that Jensen had moved from the sofa. Knew that Jensen was closer…

“Remember?”

Jared pulled at the worn leather of his belt; hands shook as he unclipped it from the buckle, slid it free of his belt loops and let it drop to the floor with a loud thud. Popped the top button on his jeans. Widened his stance, shoulders pressed hard against the door as he eased his hand past soft cotton to wrap around his cock. 

“I remember, Jensen,” Jared groaned. Stroked upward, caught his lower lip between his teeth. He pressed his thumb against the head of his cock, slid it back and forth through the wetness there as he thrust upward, his stomach muscles tightened, breath escaping his parted lips on a low, throaty moan as he lifted into the friction and heat of his own grip. 

“I remember how you sounded when you backed me up against the wall. I remember how you felt as you thrust up against my hip. Jesus, you were hard Jensen, remember?” Jared whispered. No longer waiting for a response, too wrapped up in the moment to care. He pulled at the remaining buttons on his jeans with his free hand, tugged them down over lean hips to expose bare skin, and shivered, the cool air a welcome counterpoint to the heat of his body.

“Remember Jen?” Jared groaned. He increased the pace, tightened his fingers, and twisted his wrist with each upward stroke. 

“I remember the sting when your teeth scraped against my neck, the heat of your mouth; your lips were so soft. Your breath hot against my ear when you begged, whispered how long you’d wanted it, wanted me to fuck you. Told me how hard and how fast. And all the time I could feel you, feel how hot you were, riding my thigh, cock rubbing against my hip, your breath hot in my ear when you begged.” 

The room was so quiet all Jared could hear was the sound of his voice, pitched low, intermingled with his own groans. The sound of his heart rate quickening, deafening in his own ears. So close to release. He worked his hand up over his cock, tightened his fingers as he jerked upward, eased his grip with every downward stroke. Felt the heat begin in the pit of his stomach, work its way through muscle and bone until it settled in his groin. His cock swollen, hardened to the point of almost pain. 

“It’s not payback. It’s not even that I remember, Jensen.” Jared pleaded, “It’s because I can’t forget.”

Jared opened his eyes when he felt Jensen shift beside him. When Jensen stepped into the space Jared had created. He spread his legs further apart and felt heated breath on the exposed skin of his throat. Jensen’s hand wrapped around his cock, replacing his own. The harsh sound of Jensen’s breathing as Jensen lowered his head, his forehead rested against Jared’s shoulder. Jared knew that Jensen was still refusing to acknowledge this, still hiding from it. Hiding from what he wanted. 

What they both wanted. 

Jared groaned when he felt Jensen’s mouth, hot against his collarbone. Sharp scrape of teeth as he sucked a bruise into Jared’s sensitive skin. Licked a stripe over the affected area to ease the sting and pressed in, closer to Jared. His cock hard against Jared’s hip, Jensen’s free hand curling around Jared’s waist, fingers dipping lower, as he kneaded Jared’s ass with the heel of his hand.

Jared pushed into each stroke, almost there. Knees about to buckle beneath him, balls tightening as Jensen fisted him harder, faster…

“I thought you wanted to know… wanted to see,” Jared groaned. He reached, fingers finding the switch. They both flinched against the sudden brightness, and Jensen’s head turned up, his gaze locked on Jared’s. 

“You almost what, Jensen?”

“Jared?”

“Not until you tell me.” Jared tightened his hand over Jensen’s, squeezed the base of his cock as he felt his orgasm approach. Felt Jensen twist his wrist and take away Jared’s control. Jensen’s strokes hard and fast, demanding. 

The back of Jared’s head connected with wood as he twisted his hips forward. Mouth open as he breathed out Jensen’s name on a groan…

“Almost what?” Jared begged. Thrust up one last time, hands searching for purchase. His fingers curled around the back of Jensen’s neck, dragging him closer.

“Just this, Jay,” Jensen moaned. He pushed his tongue into Jared’s mouth, curled around every groan. He pressed up against Jared’s hip, quickened his pace. His hand heavy on Jared’s hip, fingers pressed hard into muscle. So close his stubble scratched against Jared’s jaw as Jensen tensed. His words slow, quiet, breathed into skin… 

“Just this.”


End file.
